I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
