I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
