you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
