He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
