It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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