How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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