If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
