come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
