I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
