Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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