Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
