How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
