I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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