he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
