i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
