someone owes me an orgasm
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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