I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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