I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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