wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
