I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize