I think I am morally bankrupt
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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