Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
