There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need a beard to bite.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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