Cold hands, warm shart.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
