the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
