He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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