so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
