Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize