driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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