That's intense
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize