whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
