just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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