i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
