You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your penis caused this!
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