I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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