I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
