So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
