just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
When are your genitals available?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
