We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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