just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
