It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
