if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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