is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
