do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think my fart just growled at me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
