bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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