i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
