hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
