Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize