shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
false alarm, still single
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
