he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
