What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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