She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
