Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
