you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
