I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
