Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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