now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize