I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
