that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
