Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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