If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
