he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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