At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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