It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
