I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
