im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
