I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
