I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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