Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
