When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
