I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
