Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
