Sry I called you an 8
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
