Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
