I think my fart just growled at me.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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