im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he fucked my hip out of place.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize